It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The adults are the big ones right?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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