omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
