My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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