There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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