and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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