I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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