in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
