It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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