I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
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Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
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