im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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