i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Everything about him screamed your future.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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