I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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