i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
