id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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