The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
