Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
