i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
