I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
