Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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