you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
