So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
