My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
