Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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