My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I believe in your delicious
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
