you guys were way drunker than both of me
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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