When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
