i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
