dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
