how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
