dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
