i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
