Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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