I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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