I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
