Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
