If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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