I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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