i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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