I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
