shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
