I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
