I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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