no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
