As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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