We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
