We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
