You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
