Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
