dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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