I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
