know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
