She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
